For Terry, mapping the family tree proved a tedious process---her natural mother, a devoted alcoholic who spent hours and days sipping gin, vodka, wine, scotch, bourbon, and anything else. A world class piano player with a voice fired by Camels, Anne seized any party where the piano sat next to a bartender, with an Ethel Merman like portfolio, crooning a show tune or belting out a ballad, she proved to be the life of the party. A mother at 43, divorced at 53, and dead at 63, hard to unravel where the lopsided life gave way to her genetic fate, so we looked to her father for a clue. Living a healthy life to 83, and then a slow descent from there, George suffered the ailments of a long life, a dash of forgetfulness , a blank stare , it was his life-long "episodes" that now look to be suspicious. These "episodes" or mini strokes, usually mild in nature simply accumulated, with no signal or symptons, their effect could be explained as a headache or light-headeness. Small vessel disease begins in people over 60, almost 25% of those over 65 and almost 50% of those over 80 face this dilemma. High blood pressure encourages this scenario and repeated mini strokes promote worsen blood pressure, things decline and a compounding effect occurs.
Looking back, Terry avoided the medical world in any form or person. A periodic breast exam or an eye exam annually, nothing serious or the effort to uncover anything serious. She saw little purpose in finding out what was wrong! If it's too bad, they cannot fix it, and if it's not, it hardly matters when I uncover what it is.
And, much like her mother, Terry began drinking in 1982 and continued with gusto until 2003, by herself, friends, or strangers, it mattered little. She reconnected with Anne and joined her two older brothers and older sister in an endless effort to drain the swamp. After several misfires and my ignorance, she alone battled to rid herself of the monkey. While fighting her demons, her brother and her sister both joined Anne in the upstairs waiting room. Alcohol cut them down? I don't know. I do know the drinking life throws off highs and lows, with the highs never being as high as the lows are low, plus the energy to fight the good fight disappears. Did this two decade love affair with the bottle harm her? I know that little good came from those twenty years except she became stronger and fixed on reclaiming her life. At what price for her and what should I have done to lessen or preven the effect, over three decades later, I am puzzled about what I should have done to alter this flow. Fate? A bit of Zola like outcomes, I wonder what would have changed and where do I fit in this drama?
